zai (legozai) wrote in bottomsehun,
zai
legozai
bottomsehun

[ #43 ] Peony ( 3/3 )

Prompt: #43
Title: Peony
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Sehun/Kai
Word Count: 14 356w
Summary: Sehun and Jongin are in love. Sehun ardently wants a child. However, Jongin gets involved in his father's gang, pushing Sehun to reconsider their relationship...
Warnings: mpreg, mafia!au, pregnant sex, deep-throating, tattooing
Notes: Hello! this is a prompt 2015, but I still hope the prompter see this.I hadn't planned to write that much, haha, and it focused a lot on pregnancy( mpreg is due to an operation that is not explained...) and less on mafia than wanted. :))) I tried to mix styles. It is the longest work I've finished. Not beta'd, I did the correction. Hope you like it, or tell me what you think of it!



———(remedy)

Let me drink that potion. Pray for me it’s not poison. Twirl your little finger in the mix, give it a quick lick. Not too hot, not too cold, perfect for your cat tongue. I’ll swallow until the last drop, this conconction in help to invoke your love. See how clear, tomorrow will be. Hummingbirds flying flower to flower, their taste sweet and their look magnificient. Bumble bees zigzaging till they meet a flower of choice, the ideal bloom to feed from. Entering, through foils and ruffles, there in the center lies the essentiel. This nectar you want, this oil you seek. This garden of peonies is enchanting. Heavy in the air, their perfume embalming the place. Their colors vary, the pink and white fluffy, the red and black passionate. Come with me to put your nose near their lips. With your eyes, see the satin of their folds. Dare a finger to imbalance their flora, a sticky mess at your fingertip.
You to them mean nothing in this world. But you to me, there is no easy words to describe, how you still capture my scent. Cut me fresh from my soil, tidy the wildness, and handle me to bend. In your care, you may stripe me bare. One petal at a time, to savor the process. Examine every nerve and line. See saturations and fadings. Consider the shapes and the scrapes. Soothe wounds that are still healing
Jongin, flower like me don’t wilt, if they are tended to. Jongin, gardener like you don’t lose their reason, when they keep to their flowers. Day, every day find your way home. I’m this man you call love.



’’Balconies were nice, Sehun thought.

The sun was warm on his exposed skin. He had dragged a kitchen chair to the balcony, and had add to the list of items to buy, outdoor chairs.

Sehun fidgeted on his seat. The cushion of the chair was thin, and he pondered over going inside to grab a pillow. He was waiting for Soojung. She had came back from her photography trip in Europe. He was eager to hear from her, her travels always impressing him, and her works, beauties to look at. His phone buzzed. It was Soojung. He texted her to enter, the door unlocked.

’’Hi.’’ She bend forward to hug him. Then stepped back to cover her mouth with her hands, eyes sparkling, staring at his belly. She let them fall revealing a radiant smile.

’’I’m so happy for you Sehun.’’

She sat on the other kitchen chair on the balcony, that Sehun had prepared for her visit.

She seemed a bit restless, excited, her long brown hair brushed by the wind.

Sehun’s smile cracked. Something in Soojung’s friendly demeanor, stiring up his dark thoughts.

Immediatly, she frowned. She let her bag to the floor, hands joining on her knees, fingers interlacing.

’’What is it? It’s the baby?’’ She sounded concerned.

’’No, nothing of that sort…’’ he said hesitating. He stared out to the street, apartment blocks all around them.

’’Have you told Jongin?’’ She said, her tone noninvasive. He sighed, looking back to Soojung. She wore a white turtleneck, her tan skirt going down to her mid calves. She had crossed her legs, staring at Sehun.

’’How could he not know,’’ he said, arm extending to show his body. She pouted.

’’I’m not really versed in pregnancy,’’ she amended. ’’So he knows…and didn’t take it well?’’

He didn’t know what he could say. Things had turned personal really quick, taking Sehun by surprise.

’’No, we did talk about children when the operation made the news. But the chances weren’t really great even with it, so we…our expectations weren’t high.’’

He caressed his belly, trying to find the right things to say. ’’Jongin…’’

’’Weren’t you saying, it would be your miracle if it happened?’’

Sehun closed his mouth, troubled by Soojung’s interruption. ’’Yeah, I did. It is, our miracle.’’ He took a big breath. ’’It’s Jongin’s job the problem.’’

Sehun felt relief. He’d had no one to tell this to. It wasn’t exactly what was happening in reality, but Jongin’s actions were problematic and it was partly, his job’s fault. His job, that required of him to be violent and to perpetuate crimes.

’’Isn’t he working for his father’s company?’’ She looked perplexed.

’’Yeah…’’ Sehun stopped talking. Asking himself, if he could trust Soojung with this information. If it was dangerous to tell her.

In fact, who could he talk to? What about it being dangerous for Jongin if he talked…

’’He got entangled with the wrong crowd of people…’’ he let out. Soojung nodded. ’’He comes home late, and doesn’t want to stop meeting them,’’ he frowned, relfecting on what he had just said, ’’He can’t.’’

’’He’s inrresponsible, what about the baby,’’ she said, then crossed her arms over chest.

’’He loves the baby,’’ Sehun whispered.

Soojung uncrossed her legs, her clenched fists on her knees.

’’That’s not the question. If he can’t care about you and the baby beyond the fact that he loves him, what good can he be?’’

Her words, were hurting him. He realized he didn’t want to leave Jongin. He still believed Jongin would be a good father. Memories of his smile in their last love making, flashing before his eyes.

’’I don’t know Soojung…Money is not the problem. Security…,’’ Sehun knew his own force, knew Jongin’s gang were the most powerful in the area. Danger, however could never be ruled out, if he stayed with Jongin.

’’I can’t consider to leave him, can I?..’’

Soojung got up, standing next to him to carress his hair. He leaned on her, closing his eyes.

’’It’s your call Sehun, but personnally for me, if by wrong crowd you mean street gang or gamblers I would seriously consider it. It’s your whole life that can change because of that. Is it recent? I’m sure he can get himself out of there.’’


He got up. Heading inside to the kitchen, grabbing the glass of water on the kitchen counter. Sooojung followed him. He pointed to the pitcher of water. She nodded negatively. He finished the glass.

’’He’s decided. Even if he knows I’m agaisnt it, he don’t believe I’ll leave him. He want me to pardon his actions, not his choices…’’

He stilled himself. His mind in turmoil.

’’Everything will be all right. It will change, get better.’’

Soojung didn’t seem to believe him, doubtful, her lips tightly closed.

’’I’m there for you, if something happen though,’’ she sighed, ’’have you told your parents?’’

Sehun met her eyes.

’’They still won’t talk to me.’’

’’Their loss,’’ she said.

He didn’t dare to say it. But he knew he wouldn’t leave Jongin. Jongin was his family. They had had each other for many years, finally they were having their child. Nothing is ever perfect, Sehun thought. Hurriedly, he glossed over the murder, and the future ones to come maybe. Hurriedly, he changed the subject, turning the focus of their conversation to Soojung and her photos. ’’


Time doesn’t wait. Time doesn’t stop. Time flows, uninterrupted, peaceful, and exact in its calculations.


————-(interlude)


Jongin-ah
+02XXXXXXX

Sun, 05/24/XX ———-

He’s alive.
20h30 PM

—————(car crash)


Kim’s estate, 14: 39PM


The sky was blue with barely any clouds. The lonely ones floating ahead were of a pure white. It was a weather for summer. Sehun looked up to the house, imposing in the peaceful neighborhood. He knew this house, and if he trusted his memory, he could still guide himself to the kitchen, the basement, and Jongin’s room.

Today, he was alone.

He pushed on the buzzer to announce his name. Jongin’s mother answered, her words clipped.

It was a house with two floors, wide windows and a lot of greenery.

A woman was going out as he was going in. She had her hair under a scarf and cleaning products in a bucket. Mrs. Kim was at the door step, waiting for him. He bowed to her, entering.

Inside all the walls were white. Green plants were lingering a bit everywhere, and the smell of detergent was heavy in the air.

’’We’ll be more comfortable to talk in the living room,’’ Mrs. Kim said quickly without warmth. She sat on a white leather armchair, going right after for her cup of tea, sipping nervously. That left for Sehun, the white leather couch.

They stared at each other. Sehun waiting for her to talk.

Since his belly had taken more and more expansion, he had found himself shy of his body, wearing baggy clothes to hide his bump. People stared less at him if they thought he was overweight, than pregnant.

’’What idiocy is that, pregnant males?!’’ she tisked in contempt, the teacup clashing against its matching saucer. Sehun was stunned. He frowned trying to stay neutral at her words.

They knew each other. Sehun had met her years ago, when Jongin and him were in university. He had been introduced as a friend, and that’s what they were at the time. But it quickly changed, and he had continued to be this friend Jongin invited to supper and to traditional festivities. Some years later, he celebrated his first Seollal, the New Lunar Year with them, and continued to be included in their family holidays. But as small as a gathering could be, they were never alone, and they never stayed too long. He thought her mother knew about them, but didn’t talk about it. The worry she could feel, masked by a smile.

But today’s situation was different. Their masks had fallen, and Sehun didn’t know if he was welcome anymore in this house.

’’Where is Jongin?’’

Mrs. Kim didn’t answer, red blossoming on her cheeks. She tisked again.

’’It’s my first time seeing a male pregnant…’’ She glanced at his abdomen briefly. ’’Women carry the children,’’ she patronized, her eyes back to stare into Sehun’s ones.

’’Male don’t get pregnant for a reason. God made male and female different for the different role they fullfill. To be opposites who complete each other. Being pregnant doesn’t change your nature,’’ she seethed.

She pushed her cup of tea farther away from her, joining her hands on her lap. She composed her expression, rising her eyebrows.

’’In the future, you won’t see Jongin often, and he’ll be busy. His mind still in the office, or with the gang.’’ She unjoined her hands, nervously playing with her necklace.

’’He’ll need food, and sometimes comfort…Can you carry to that, Sehun?’’ she said, nearly shouting her last sentence.

Her hands were gripping the armrest. A certain force was emaning from her. Sehun still shocked to see her like this. He did have good memories of Jongin’s family, and by extent his mother’s family. Listening to her, he asked himself if she was saying that because it was what she had lived with Jongin’s father.

’’Jongin isn’t his father. He’s capable of taking care of himself. He doesn’t need me to make him meals, or distract him by strutting around naked.’’

Mrs. Kim frowned, showing distaste. He didn’t let her have the time to spit her venom.

’’He is good-natured. I didn’t spoil him. Whatever hold, you thought you had on him, clearly isn’t there. I work. I…What is the purpose of this conversation? Where is Jongin?’’

She slowly changed her expression, her face regaining a semblance of neutrality.

’’I heard you’re getting a tattoo?’’

Sehun groaned, falling back in the couch. He put his hand on his belly.

’’Who told you?’’

She smiled. ’’There’s nothing I don’t know. I’m not blind. You’ve been with my son for seven years. I did hope you would get out of the picture, but getting a tattoo, no woman our rank does that, pregnant even.’’

’’Am I a woman now?’’ he said. ’’It seems paradoxical, but it doesn’t concern me. This so called life of organized crime is not for me. It’s personal, the reason for the tattoo has no connection to that world. It’s my pledge and my proof to Jongin. I’ll carry it all my life. And, the child, the children we’ll have is what my heart desire, what our hearts await. ’’

Jongin mother’s face was red. Sehun protectively rubbed his palm on his stomach, the eyes of the mother fixing his abdomen. Sehun got up, distancing himself. They was no reason for him to stay here any longer. He turned to Jongin’s mother, emptying his heart.

’’Did you know it? Did you know, when Jongin was born that he would be a criminal? Was that really, the future you wanted for your child?’’

Her face srunched up, distaste visible. But Sehun didn’t want to stop talking. He felt good, the frustration going away. This fear was churning in him too. He was pregnant. He did not want his children to be criminals, murderers and violent.

’’Did you look at him when little, and wondered about how he would turn out? Would it kill him to be bad? Would he destruct himself in pursuing the legacy of his father?’’

He searched for answers in her face, trying to see if his words affected her.

’’You know your child a little, I’m sure. It’s obvious you let him be. He told me it was a good childhood. That he was loved by his sisters and his mother was warm. So you know, that he isn’t bad in nature! Couldn’t you have protected him!?’’

Sehun was sure, he couldn’t do that to his children. He didn’t want to be associate with crime. He had to stay true to himself, and not get side tracked by Jongin’s own destiny. He had his own, and he was sure it didn’t include this world of dirt. Mrs. Kim began to rage.

’’That was my fear! I knew in the bottom of my heart that he was like his father. Like father like son. Something there already, that just needed to be triggered. There was nothing I could do. There’s nothing I can do. I love him. I love my son! Don’t you dare confront that. But that’s how men are. Jungha and Sunha are…’’

She smiled bitterly.

’’Just you wait. Just you wait when he’ll come to you, and you’ll be afraid of him.’’

Sehun left the house in hurry, angry.

He closed harshly the door of his car, calming himself before ignating the power.


—————-(interlude 2)


Jongin-ah
+02XXXXXXX

Thu, 05/26/XX ———-

Come tomorrow at the HQ, I’ll send you the directions.
22h21 PM

—————-(무궁화)


The sun was still up, when I came to the gang’s building. I had a bag with me, necessities and clothes. I was trying to stay calm. Little us was kicking and it hurted at the moment. I entered through the backdoor, immediatly taking stairs to the basement.

They led me to your side. And there, you were lying feverish and wounded in a camp bed.

You scared me, you scared me, you scared me. I looked at your battered body and realized how fragile you were. I stayed by your side, falling to my knees. I caressed your sweaty face, and wondered if some of your consience was there. So I whispered how sorry I was, for the distance between us, to not have beent there for you more, for not trying enough to keep you from the gang. I thought how I let it happen to you, to us. So obnubilated with Little us, not seeing what was right under my nose. I cried, uglily. Panted up emotions, repressed accusations, I called you names, my hands clinging to your arm. And when I calmed down, I put it back at your side on the bed. I demanded a cloth to wipe your sweat. I asked them when you last drank. I tried to save that image of you, trying not to let thought of the worst happening get to me. So it was here you were hiding, I muttered to myself. It was here you were dying…

’’Sehun was prostrated before the body of his lover. Pained breaths was heard from the bedridden, eyebrows frowning, his eyelids twitching, the eye-balls agitated.

’’The tattooer is here.’’

He got up, caressing a last time Jongin’s hair, before leaving his side. He followed the big man to the other room. There, gathered in a big room, men were drinking, a tv on. Everyone quieted down, noticing his prescence. A man stood up, Sehun waited frowning, finding his appearance familiar. The man was wounded, his arm in a cast. Finally recognizing him, Sehun didn’t let him get nearer, jumping at his collar.

’’You let it happen to him! You!..’’

Sehun grabbed the front of his clothes, shaking him, the man wincing. It was Jongdae, Sehun had seen him once or twice. He knew he worked with Jongin, but not that he was in the mob.

’’It’s you who texted me!’’ The man who was leading him, grabbed him by the arms to immobilize him. Sehun fought to get free.

’’Let him go, Ki bum.’’

The big man grunted, but let Sehun go. Soon they moved again, the pregnant male quite shaken by everything. They entered another room, much smaller. A man bowed to them. It was the tattooer. He was covered in them, snakes racing along his arms, a skull in the center of his chest. He was half naked, a bandana tied around his head.

’’He’s the same one who tattooed Jongin. I told him your requests,’’ Jongdae said as he was leaning against a wall, out of the light in the middle of the ceiling.

’’Ki bum, get him water.’’

The tall man, sighed, going out of the room.

Jongdae approached Sehun, guiding him to sit. The tattooer was preparing his material.

’’There.’’ Jongdae proclaimed as presented to him, a sheet of paper that he had grabbed on the table. ’’As sketch of the tattoo.’’

He looked at the paper, taking it in his hands. His eyes fested on the drawing, everything appealing to him.

’’I need you to show me your back sir, without shirt.’’

He tensed, the low voice of the tattooer surprising him.

’’I’m going to wash and shave your back sir, the area where the tattoo will be. After that, I’ll apply a stencil for guidelines, and we’ll be good to go.’’

Sehun nodded. He began to feel nervous. Jongdae squeezed his shoulder, and Sehun recoiled at the touch.
He pulled off his shirt. Shivers erupted on the surface of his skin.

Ki bum came back with the water, handing it to Sehun. Gladly, he drank. Appart from the tattoo artist busy doing the stencil, he knew the eyes of the men on his belly.

’’Sorry,’’ Sehun turned to the voice, ’’just to make sure sir, did you consult with a doctor about getting a tattoo while pregnant? Everything here is squeaky-clean, but I never inked a pregnant, person before.’’

Sehun had asked. He knew it wasn’t recommended, but he wanted it so bad, convincing himself he would heal.

’Yeah I did. It’s alright. I’m far enough in my term to do it.’’

The man hummed, turning back to his work.

The silence was strenious. Sehun wanted them to leave the room. He caressed his belly, calming himself with talking to his baby inside.

’’Does he kick?’’ It was Jongdae, his eyes shining with curiosity and animation.

’’Yeah,’’ Sehun answered.

Jongdae smiled. ’’I always ask my woman to let me feel it when the baby kicks. Jongin tried it?’’

Sehun found Jongdae’s smile contagious, a tiny bit relaxing, knowing Jongdae had a baby on the way too.

’’Yeah, it would be a shame if…’’ he stopped talking, his voice caught in his throat.

Jongdae sat on a chair in the corner. ’’They got me on the arm, the bone was busted,’’ his face darkened at the memory, ’’I entered emergency at two, stating using a nail gun I missed the aim.’’ He began to laugh.

Sehun stilled, the stencil applied to his back, finally.

’’We’ll let it dry, ten minutes,’’ the tattooist interrupted them.

Jongdae nodded. ’’Jongin was lucky. He was hit, at such a distance the bullet came out from his shoulder. He got another grazing his leg, but our doc patched him good.’’

At the lack of reaction on Sehun’s part, Jongdae stood up followed by the tough looking man.

Sehun snapped, ’’Then why is he dying…will he make it?’

’’He just got himself to fight. The doc’s looking over him, but he can do nothing more, and we can’t go to the hospital with his condition.’’

They left the room, shutting close the door behind them. Sehun tried to will down the want to cry. He was powerless. Every plans he would think of, too dangerous for the baby to put through.

’’Please, sir,’’ said the tattooer as he pulled his machine ready. He sighed.

’’Honestly sir, you’re putting yourself through serious pain, since it is nearly an entire back piece. I do what I’m told, no questions asked. But, you’re not in the gang if I guessed right.

Doing this tattoo for me is a job. But I can’t help but tell you, it can wait.’’

Sehun looked back to the artist, there was a mirror behind him. He could see the print of the tattoo on his back. He saw the pheonix, wings spread, head straight ahead. There were peonies and roses of Sharon flowing around the bird, than dispersing as the tattoo stretched to his sides. It would occupy the upper part of his back, nearly all of it, considering the tail. Sehun saw images of the one adorning Jongin’s back in his reverie, seeing them standing side by side.

’’It’s the right moment to do it,’’ Sehun said, not completely back to reality, ’’I can’t do anything else than to pour all of my faith in Jongin. I can only do that. Send in this way, my love for him,’’ he met the eyes of the tattoer behind his shoulder.

’’Let me call him back to me.’’

The man nodded. He sat behind the young man, the needle of his tattoo machine, millimeters away from his skin.

’’His tattoo and yours are linked, isn’t it?’’

The pregnant man didn’t contradict him. The tattooist hummed.

’’The first session, he had drank. Not enough to be impossible to tattoo but enough to speak his mind. Your tatttoos are influenced by chinese symbolism, the dragon was his choice, the flowers too. He did have reference over what he wanted.’’

The needle pierced his skin, he clenched his teeth, listening to the tattooist, drinking his words.

’’I particularly liked the flowers necklace idea. As our national flower, it represents tenacity, longevity, abundance…It’s a beautiful flower. But, he said to me ’It’s Sehun. Everything else, the reason of the tattoo is for the gang and me. But the necklace, it’s him.’,’’ he made a pause, wiping excess of ink, ’’you’re Sehun, right?’’

Sehun facing forward the blank wall, nodded slowly, before affirming.

’’Yeah, it’s me.’’



Will you open your eyes and see me again. Will everything come to an end. There seems to be no resolution. There seems to be so much time ahead. The time we spent together little, juxaposted to what we haven’t lived yet.

Jongin, you’re strong.

I’m strong.

Jongin find me, before I find you. In a field of poppies I’ll stand hopeful. Searching for you, the smell of peonies in the air. Roses of Sharon blooming at each of my steps. I’ll head to you, where chrysantemums grow.



—————(And)


So Jongin, for a name, what should we choose?










——————————————————————————————————————
author’s note: hi, this is here because I realized, it ought to be said, that what is happening in this fic is fiction and may depict unsafe sexual practice, and violence. I searched while writing, about pregnancy, and organized crime in South Korea, but I took liberties in including these risky things to do while pregnant anyway…





Tags: !fic, pairing: jongin, rating: nc-17, round: 2016
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  • 1 comment
Wow! This was so wonderful to read. Bittersweet. Like you could understand sehun but also jongins viewpoint too. And the writing was very lyrical with such a strong theme with the peonies. A lot of fics are very plot driven but this was really a character study. Even for side characters like jongins mom, you managed to really have their personality and story come through in the short time we meet them. This is really beautiful and with an open ending too. Like all their problems aren't solved but sehun has gotten some perspective about himself and come to a decision about the life he wants to live and how that means accepting the moral sacrifices he has to make to have that life... Sehun getting to that place felt so natural, like it was hard for him but the emotional, mental and moral progression he made through the story was still very believable. Such character driven story writing is really hard.

This fic was just really wonderful and rewarding to read! Thank you for sharing.
Please keep writing because you have a voice! You really do ^^